at grandmothers house
the butter has gone liquid
as have my innards

Haiku Hell on Technorati

now i am some one:
see Technorati Profile
new phone books are here!

I awaken with
my wife's belly next to mine:
warmest place on Earth

blah blah blah blah blah
verbal diarrhea flows
no kaopectate

at grandmother's house
the butter has gone rancid
you'll be puking soon

bienvenidos a haiku hell, the place where very bad haikus go after they've been written, said, or otherwise conceived. this introductory section is not written in haiku, since a) it would be consigned to the fiery pit of haiku like the rest of them and b) because as creator and Satanas of this bad place i can damn well write how i like.

many of the damned haikus you'll encounter here are from one of (at the moment) three general categories: at grandmother's house, martha stewart prison sex, and the wisdom of herb (see the herblog for horrific details). the first and third themes are dedicated to my in-laws; the middle set is a longtime sick fantasy i've harbored for a good eight or so years.

thus we begin with the one that started it all, the proverbial war in poetry heaven and the resulting fall:

at grandmother's house
the steak is quite leathery
somewhere the goose farts